Forget Sorrow wasn’t particularly long or dense, but it took me longer than it should have to get through. As I set it down to take breaks I was asked by friends, partners, house guests if it was “good.” “I don’t know yet,” I kept responding. And then the book ended without me discovering the answer to this question. Was the story illustrated well? Did it convey details of landscape, dress, character emoting, food and time period? Absolutely. Was the story interesting? Important? It was. But something in the delivery of it all felt really off to me.
For one, the introduction of Rotten Egg was terse and unemotional for how crucial of a role he played in this story. When he was mentioned so quickly, I thought he must be a detail to be considered but not lingered upon because of how little weight had been put on him and the abuse he inflicted. Belle is illustrated leaving her parents’ home for college and the next frame reads, “Four years after graduation, I returned home, seeking protection from an abusive boyfriend turned stalker” (pg 11.) At first, I wondered if this was just tension that had been lost in the translation of prose form to comic form (which sounds like an incredibly difficult task for anyone, to be fair.) There had been many other scenes and memories with a noticeable lack of clear transitions to assure the reader knew where they were placed or who was in the first frame of the page. And if the reader didn’t know, understand a reason why. But as the father in the story repeatedly brought up Rotten Egg as a mistake made by the daughter, I figured out that my discomfort was not from his introduction and repeat appearances placed out of context of his wide-reaching terror. It was simply that Yang was treated as a co-conspirator in the abuse. Page 12 is dedicated to her personal failure in having suffered this abuse. Her father says, “From graduating top of your class, you became a gofer to a rotten egg. Now you’re twenty-six. Look how many year’s you’ve wasted. You need to depend on your own talents. Not a man.” Her response? “I know, I know… I don’t want to be a failure” (pg 12.)
Throughout the book she is blamed for his violence and violation of her and her family’s personal space. Her father demands she find her way, get a career, a passion but also forbids her from leaving the home because of her stalker. He refuses her request to wear the jade ring as a necklace because she is not responsible enough for this heirloom; how can a responsible daughter be so careless as to have a stalker? It isn’t until the end of the book that she is allowed to wear it because Rotten Egg is mentioned to have found “more interesting prey” (pg 256.) This is when she’s recognized by her father as mature and having “grown strong” (pg 256.) What?
This isn’t the only instance women drawn the short straw in this comic. Throughout generations of family members, angry or fearful women are illustrated with sharp teeth and bloodshot eyes. They are cruel and dishonest. Even the men who share these traits are not painted with this imagery and are often found redeemable by their positive traits before they die. Second uncle’s wife is deemed disrespectful and unruly for not breastfeeding in private and not having full control over her children while doing domestic work (pg 138.) And instead of placing this discomfort in context of the customs of the family at that time, Yang reinforces it in her story telling with phrases like, “The woman continued to flop out a breast in public” (pg 139.) Really, this story is kind of a bummer in how much unexamined misogyny made its way onto these pages. So, I did love this graphic novel format, I did love the mixed media story telling, I do value this story as an important history to be told. I would however, have been less distracted by the raking of women over hot coals if there had been any awareness of it along the way.
HI Oliver,
ReplyDeleteYou bring up important issues in this post. I, also, felt uncomfortable with the way the father blames Yang. It is clear from the way she describes the situation (if even briefly) that she was a victim. Yet, her father blames her and is hard on her.
I didn't exactly read the introduction of rotten egg in the same way. I supposed that the introduction was terse and somewhat unemotional because that portion of the story isn't really about rotten egg or the abuse, but about finding peace away from that -- about moving forward. So much of the story for me was about moving forward. I wondered, too, about the end where she says her stalker found more interesting prey. For me, this was a strange way to let go of the fear. "Oh good, he's out hunting someone else. Whew!" It would be interesting to have the opportunity to ask the author about some of these questions or discuss them in class. Thanks for bringing them up.
-Kari
Hi Oliver,
ReplyDeleteI agree 100% with your evaluation of the victim blaming and misogyny built into the very foundations of this story. While it is important to recognize the norms and flaws of different cultures and times, I too was a little disheartened by Yang's buying into this sort of mindset, where she is the one to be blamed, not her stalker, the second aunt to blame, not her husband or society or anyone else. Similar to your experience, I could never decide if I really liked this novel, as while I appreciated some of the artistic choices, some of the narrative and narration choices I found to be rather disheartening. Upon reading the first introduction of Rotten Egg, I didn't really think much of the brevity of that moment, because I assumed that one, Yang was attempting to minimize how much presence he had, and two, she was conveying what looming presence he did have through her illustrations, like the giant, baby-like, mouthless creature we first see hovering over the household. But then as I got deeper into the book, like you, I realized it was because the household as a whole was not placing the blame where it needed to be. Even Yang's handing of his losing interest concerned me, as her relief came from the fact he was stalking someone else. There was no concern or compassion for that other hypothetical woman, no fear for her safety, the safety of women, especially young women, as a whole.
Damn: "But as the father in the story repeatedly brought up Rotten Egg as a mistake made by the daughter, I figured out that my discomfort was not from his introduction and repeat appearances placed out of context of his wide-reaching terror. It was simply that Yang was treated as a co-conspirator in the abuse." Nice work, Oliver. I really agree with this and I'm grateful you articulated it so well. Co-conspirator, such a damning phrase. It really caught me, because the whole narrative is so focused on the lives of the men of the family, the women are second thought, and portrayed as both willful and insignificant. It was hard to slog through, although of course it was obvious to me that Baba's perspective is going to privilege and prioritize the male experience. That was most of what he had access to.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't decide if she was buying into the misogyny or showing it/reflecting it in her writing. I found her relationship with her father very similar to her grandfather's relationship to his father and was trying to figure out also if that was something she was trying to reflect in her description of Rotten Egg and her father's anger at her for Rotten Egg's behavior.
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting discussion. I wondered when a writer gives her story and shows her vulnerabilities, if we are disappointed because at the time she wasn’t enlightened, didn’t know to push back at the father? Didn’t have agency? It’s an interesting question if we judge character based on our values or on theirs? Being transparent, confessing and exposing ones’ self sucks. Especially in terms of our parents. Ugh. Her father was the informant and his optics on the women was male-centric...it’s all very interesting to use our lens on these voices? Complicated isn’t it?
ReplyDeleteE
I didn't realise until reading your blog post how the women in the story were portrayed on page nor how the father framed Rotten Egg. The story is very much so a family history written down and spoke aloud in hopes that the narrator we rarely see will find some strength and agency, but I can't say for certain if I feel like she has by the end of the piece. Sure it ends on the publishing of this memoir, but I'm curious as to how the situation with the Rotten Egg was handled.
ReplyDeleteI did find it really interesting that the author seemed to take special care in drawing the women, it said to me that looks matter much more for women, which I think the father grew up believing. With the men, I could often not tell them apart, but the women were all very distinct.
ReplyDeleteIt was really surprising at the end to read that Rotten Egg found "more interesting prey" since it's clear he's still out there terrorizing people. I found it a sour note to end on, and I'm not sure how the author felt good about putting a positive spin on it. I'm glad that we get a summary of how her life's better, but that opened a door for me that I couldn't stop thinking about.
It was interesting, for me, to have the conflict between the father and daughter about their expectations of her success, but the issues were never resolved. She never makes peace with her father, and she never quite decides that he's wrong. I felt that the fight was presented, but the author never makes sense of it, and even if it's an internal conclusion that she rests on, I wanted to hear her final thoughts on it.